Living with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's Disorder) as an adult female.

For the Benefit of the Church

I’ve often struggled to find commonality with the Son of God.

There have been many, many times where I have looked to the Savior of the world and wondered, “Why can’t you just get it? Don’t you understand that what I’m going through is killing me?”

“Where are you?”

“Why are you so silent?”

“You have no idea what I’m going through.”

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Thankful in all things


With all of the negativity I have been dealing with regarding my well being and the added thorn in my side of dealing with inconsiderate neighbors on weekends, I found the need to stop and give thanks to God.

Earlier this month, I was taking pictures of the leaves as they were beginning to turn near a boarding stable. A warmer fall has slowed the turning of foliage in northern Illinois.

Red leaves were lining the pathway much the same way as petals thrown by flower girls at a wedding.

I am grateful that I was taught by my parents to enjoy the simple and free things of life. The One Who made this universe has created many complex things like stars and the human brain. He has also created simple stuff like this leaf in my hand.

This photo reminds me that every living thing’s time here is brief. 

“You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.” Psalm 39:5 NIV

God tells us to be thankful in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18) and that our time here is brief, so I will thank Him and praise Him while I can, in the midst of trouble. He is with me. If you are a believer, He is with you as well. He doesn’t leave or forsake (Hebrews 13:5).

I thank you, Lord, for nature. It is free and is a joy to me. I am thankful for national and state parks, for forest preserves-including those I will never visit.

In the midst of hardship, I thank you.


Here are my top 8 reasons:

  1. I can’t isolate my audience. I can send a private message or e-mail, but…
  2. I can’t see the person. There is a disconnect. I cannot hear their voice. I am good at determining another person’s emotional state through their voices, NOT their eyes.
  3. I love Anderson Cooper, but still won’t subscribe to  Twitter. Believe me, Anderson, it’s them, NOT YOU.
  4. Trolls. The Bible states that the tongue contains the power of death or life. That translates to fingers typing into  print. I don’t need to spend 2 weeks processing poison that is really an attack from Satan.
  5. Commitment. I get stressed keeping up with what contacts and pages I like are doing.
  6. I just cannot sit still for more than 10 minutes in the chair in front of my desktop. I need to be doing my preferred stim-rocking-in an actual rocking chair.
  7. I was never that interested in technology in the first place. It is something that’s constantly changing and fragile. It took me many meltdowns and even a complete nervous breakdown that landed me in the hospital for 5 days to somewhat adjust to the 21st century.
  8. I have a blog. That’s enough of a compromise.

I will keep my account open for family and friends as well as logging into websites and very occasionally reading my news feed.

There is something I want to discuss that isn’t popular in our secular society. I want to discuss it as it affects me, a person with autism and other disorders. I hope this post can be read with an open mind and a willingness to agree to disagree.

The prevailing worldview, according to numerous blog posts I’ve read, is that living autistic is on par with living a homosexual lifestyle: both are just a different way of being. Both are socially and morally acceptable.

I’ve heard about people who have “come out” as autistic. The rainbow infinity symbol is ambiguously used as a symbol for both LGBT and autism.

If you believe in absolute truth, especially the absolute truth found in God’s Word, you will find this comparison to be false.

Both being gay and disabled are part of living in a fallen world. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden, sin and disease entered the world. (Genesis 2:15; 3:6).

It is NOT sinful to have a disability. It is NOT a sin to be LGBT. You read that right. It isn’t someone’s fault for being born broken: all have sinned and have fallen short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23 ), not just disabled people. All people are broken and Jesus is the One who heals.

Jesus, in Whom I have my salvation (and you do, too if you have accepted His sacrifice at Calvary for your sins), knows we are broken, but He gives us His power to resist sin.

Nobody is going to hell for being born a certain way. It is the action resulting from a wrong heart-one that has likely not submitted to Christ, that will condemn a person to hell-a very real place (Luke 16:19-26). That is why I say comparing being autistic and living a homosexual lifestyle is like comparing apples to oranges.

There are some very real actions such as unrepentant greed, anger, covetousness (for a complete list, see Romans chapter 1) that will condemn a person-not just homosexual sex.

There is nothing according to the Bible that says a person will go to hell for having autism.There is nothing in the Bible that says I will get off the hook for not forgiving others or living a lifestyle of violence because I have autism.

According to the Bible, we cannot save ourselves. Only Christ who is fully God and fully human can and has saved mankind. (see 1 Corinthians 15:3).

God is sovereign. He forgives all sin, but expects his children not to willfully sin and turn His grace into something cheap.

I can succumb to a yelling, screaming meltdown and hurt myself and others, but it is only after praying for wisdom and doing my best with God’s help not to get to that point that it happens.

I don’t get a free pass to be violent or rude or to do just anything I want because I’m autistic. Autism didn’t die on a cross 2,000 years ago for my sins. Christ did, and He calls me to a higher (not perfect) standard of living.

I also don’t have to live under condemnation-my own or others’.

In Christ, I can do whatever He calls me to do (See Philippians 4:13). It isn’t always convenient or popular. It isn’t always what I want to do. I do stray sometimes. Fortunately, God’s mercy is new each morning (see Lamentations 3:22-23).

Before I go, I want to say that I care about someone who is gay. I pray for God to change their heart each day. I won’t give up on them. That is how God’s love works. It never fails (1 Corinthians 13:7).




I haven’t let a difficult year hold me back from creativity. I recently made this bracelet with chunky, faceted, black beads and purple, iridescent, faceted beads.


These bracelets are for Chicago Bears and Bulls fans.

Autism, for me, means I can’t do certain things, but I can do some things, and beading is one of them. Creating patterns from scratch and stringing them along is a good way to be mindful and stim.



My entire year has been out of focus. I have been and still am in a state of lethargy, depression and anxiety. Some is biological and some is environmental. It has reached the point that I take sleeping medication to cope with neighbors who insist on setting off M80s on Saturday nights. I cannot concentrate well. Cocooning is all I can do to cope until the storm blows over. I remember Job from the Bible. Though he went through deep loss and physical illness, he still blessed God-and God did deliver him from Satan. God is still good even when our circumstances aren’t. He won’t leave us rot forever. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says He provides a way out for us when temptation gets to be too much for us to bear. Temptation in the greek translates “trials”.











This is where we are at as a nation. May God help us. Let’s us Christians pray for whomever does get elected president. They will need it. Remember God is sovereign, not our politicians.

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