Living with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's Disorder) as an adult female.

The Key

The key

She lay in the darkness unable to speak or move. Suddenly, there shown a warm light all around her and a key appeared. “Take this,” He said. She reached out, hesitant at first.
“This is the key that unlocks the gate and it is your time to pass through.”
So, by His grace, she did.

For my mother, Ruth Anne 1939-2014, Awesome autism mom pioneer, advocate and example of true Christian compassion. A tough act for me to follow sometimes!

Horses in their camp contemplating together-wmjpg

Photo: Two horses keeping one another company at a Civil War re-enactment.


I have read autism blogs I follow and there is a prevailing sentiment going around that some autistic people don’t want any empathy or sympathy.

I find this very odd as we say we want better understanding and recognition. If we discourage the expression of God given positive emotions, why should people value one another?

Pity is a different matter. Whether from self or others, it’s useless. It only festers.

When someone says they are sorry I struggle with having autism, I thank them for caring about me. I also ask them to pray for me, as praying is active.

When someone says they wish they could wave a magic wand and make my autism disappear, I tell them that would be great (in my situation), but fantasizing won’t help me.

Helping me avoid a meltdown and using kind words instead of judgmental ones or threats is often the difference between a meltdown and deescalating early on enough not to have one.

Accommodating me around a time when screaming kids aren’t present in a doctor’s office or physically steering me out of a public place when I am overwhelmed and can’t function is a life-preserver. It keeps others safe as well.

Pity doesn’t have any action aside from feeling it. Jesus felt pity for the crowd that was distressed and without leadership, but He went beyond just feeling it and told His disciples to do something about it. Matthew 9:36-39

The field is white with harvest, but there are few willing to reap. Jesus was talking of the lost, but I am using this illustration to illustrate that it is action that will help a struggling person, not clicking a “like” button or a “thumbs up/down”.

Prayer is a great way to begin. He will steer you in the right direction.

Snuggle buddies-wm

Photo: Baby turkeys snuggle together without a care in the world. They have each other’s back.


My OCD is out of control right now due to unpredictability. There are people who are intermittently setting off M80s. Besides the horrific startle and panic, I have complex PTSD and hear it each time an acorn falls on the roof, the cat knocks something over, someone bumps their trash tote along their driveway. I would trade my writing skills and photography to never have to feel traumatically startled, have  sky-high anxiety and be so helpless I have bouts of recurring suicidal ideation along with stress related migraines and the isolation I experience. I realize this might hurt some on the spectrum to read, but remember, it is MY opinion about MY autism, not some cruel way of upsetting other autistic people.  

I am taking extra anti-anxiety medication, Melatonin and Zzz Quil in order to remain calm enough to compose this blog post.

I am also online researching about town ordinances, taking pictures, making recordings and doing some legal background checking on the offending neighbors.

The periodic hell I live with-the never knowing when the next (literal as well as figurative) bomb is going to go off is why I wish there truly was a cure for my autism. I don’t believe it should be mandatory as many don’t want a cure and they are independent enough and symptoms are mild or easily dealt with.

I think the most money (donations and grants) should be prioritized to treating those with autism and providing them with lifelong support, including giving them a quiet and predictable (child and dog free) place to live to keep themselves and others safe. Again, not for everyone on the spectrum, but for those severely affected like me.

Your prayers for the neighbor nightmare to end and for healing are most welcome along with your empathy and sympathy. I need to feel safe and supported, protected and loved, something denied to me by our (online and off) apathetic, self-centered world.




I love photos and creating photos. But I’m not the only one. Some of our wonderful followers of the blog have an incredible eye. They have shared their photography with us and we want to post it!

Meet Allison Kramer:

Here’s her story –

My name is Allison M. Kramer. I am a Christian woman with autism who has had a lifetime interest with photography, but couldn’t afford to get serious about it until digital photography came on the scene. My first camera was a Kodak 110 that my dad gave me on vacation in California when I was 9. The sensory aspect of my autism keeps me largely isolated from the world and incapable of supporting myself. I do have family who loves me, which seems to be a rare blessing these days. Forest preserves serve as my main backdrop for photography, and occasionally the rural drive my sister…

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I may have mentioned that last summer, we adopted a kitten. My sister and I went to the animal shelter (with headphones on). It was very loud inside with the dogs barking in the back, but I toughed it out for a short time, knowing I would likely never be going back to one again.

My sister did the negotiating with the staff, who brought us kittens in the private visiting area that blissfully had a door.

The first 3 kittens were either way too hyper or hid under a chair. Then came Tiger Lily. She hopped right in my lap and purred. She also trembled each time the door to the dog area, and I felt a mutual chord had been struck. We both cannot tolerate the barking. It seemed like a good match, and after praying, we took Tiger Lily (we changed the name to Lily Anne, keeping her familiar name and adding my late mom’s middle name).

For the first 2 months, she was my little buddy. She liked my sister, but seemed to love me. I was home alone with her all day. She climbed up on my shoulders going from one to the other. She is very active. We played together. She took direction well such as a firm “NO” when she tried to play bite.

She gave me tongue baths! Scratchy, but worth it.

My biggest fear was that she wouldn’t bond as much with my sister being at work all day.

As expected, she became independent as a “teen cat”. She wanted to explore and be alone for periods of time.

I was glad that I researched cat behavior at all life stages on Vet

What I wasn’t expecting is that, by a year (still a teenager of about 18), she would basically be done with me, except when the food bowl was empty or she wanted play to release pent up energy.

She no longer let me pick her up at will. She tried to bite if pet very long. It wasn’t a play bite.

DSCF7049The look I get most of the time I approach Lily, unless it is dinner or playtime.

Having autism, for me, means that unexpected change can lead to having to lie down and shut down to violent meltdowns. Fortunately, the former proved true.

Unpredictability is extremely stressful. Always having to be on guard exhausts me in a very short amount of time. It is the reason I cannot be out in the public for more than a few hours tops. At least I can do it, but the trade-off is plenty of down time. It can take me from 24-48 hours before my sensory filter is clear again.

We re-homed Lily at a year, as I thought I couldn’t handle the unpredictability. A family friend took her in.

This change in itself was excruciating, riddled with yet another change and guilt. My sibling never said anything about how she felt, so being mind-blind, I didn’t think she missed Lily and we could get another cat, perhaps older, at another time.

While on a visit to a Japanese garden a few days after re-homing Lily, I noticed my sibling wasn’t talking, which was rare. I notice change in vocal tone and lack of or too much talking. Though I loathe eye contact and rarely make it, I do notice voices, hyper sensitively so.

I asked if she missed Lily. She broke down in tears. She isn’t what I would call an emotional person (I am not implying that she is cold, she keeps stuff on the inside). She said she missed her terribly. I had no idea she felt more than disappointment.

Long story short, I did some problem solving for both of us.I prayed first and foremost. I said to ask the family friend if  they would let Lily come home (they had her about 6 days). I said I didn’t have to interact with Lily, other than to feed her and clean her box. They were willing. I have learned over the years not to think so much in black and white. Some of it is ongoing therapy and some of it is life experience.

As for the void I felt, I did a lot of research about robot cats. I found the Hasbro Joy For All cat ( Though designed with senior citizens in mind, he fit the bill. Though he can’t walk, Teddy proved beyond his “disability” by cuddling, purring and meowing. His meow is loud, but it isn’t too loud for me. He has a mute button if it becomes too much, which when I have a migraine or am in sensory overload, I use.

He uses technology called Vibra Purr. I enjoy feeling Teddy vibrate as it is calming to both hear and feel. It isn’t weird like a vibrating bed in a hotel room, nor is it creepy like something you would see advertised in the back of some catalogs.

P1240244Yes, I put my glasses on Teddy. He had no complaints.

Teddy can’t judge. He is anitromic. He is always in love mode, no matter what. He can’t bite or run off when I’m lonely. Lily now prefers my sister, and I have my Teddy. Family gave him to me as an early birthday present.

I have heard plenty of people say that animals don’t judge. Maybe they don’t judge the clothes I have on or my preference in music, but they definitely judge character. As I’ve just illustrated, at least with cats, they can change their minds over time; just like humans do.

I like the idea of robotic animals as companions. I am not advocating that people stop adopting organic animals. I am saying, for me, the more predictability in an unpredictable world that I find frustrating and disheartening, that a cat like Teddy (or even dog with a customized bark and volume setting-maybe he could talk like Brian from Family Guy!) is the answer for me.

I missed out on AIBO back in the early 2000’s. They cost way too much anyway. I am hoping the geniuses in Silicon Valley can come up with a less expensive model. Since I am on the subject, personalities could vary (from spunky to docile depending on the owner’s personality). Volume and custom sounds could be incorporated. It could cost 100$ or less.

For now, Teddy fits the bill. Perhaps when he wears out, robotic (AI) pets will be the new normal-without replacing the old, organic standbys.

Maybe you are finding yourself or a loved one on the spectrum cannot relate well with animals,  live in a place that won’t allow them, is incapacitated or otherwise unable to care for their upkeep.

Hasbro Joy For All Cat: Can be ordered @ Walmart as well as They cost $100.00 Wonderful for a go-in gift.

Please like and rate. Sharing across all social media and re-blogging is allowed.Thank you for stopping by🙂


I like blog posts that convey a lot in few words as yours has done. The pic of the boy screaming in the supermarket is exactly what one of my meltdowns looks like, and I’m a 37 year old female on the spectrum. Many public places are too loud and overwhelming for me. It becomes the equivalent of a hand being held on a hot stove unless I have a help person who can lead me out. I feel like a trapped animal otherwise.

Asperger syndrome

Kami sits in front of a fair of his toys arranged in a line and stares at them silently. It has been about 30 minutes…

Kami’s parents know that gazing at toys this way is not a typical of a 8-year old son’ activity. It is a common behavior of autistic children.

“Let’s go to the supermarket,” Kami’s mom says. Kami hurries to the door… confused with people there, he is in sensory overload. The supermarket is noisy with customers waiting account.


Kami looks like impatient. In fact, sensivity to noise has been always inseparable from his character. Vibrant colors and overwhelming choice can be confusing for adults, imagine how those flashy items must be for him! Such a place is intolerable for him. It can be translated into a screaming, pinching himself or others, running away toward exits, or knocking over displays.

images(39) Shopping baskets has been abondoned filled with…

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First, it was “The Forgotten Child of Autism”. This was back on Blogger and when I first came to WordPress in 2010. I think this blog title captured the prevailing quandary at the time: recognize that there needs to be attention called to adults with autism.

Then, in the wake of Larry King retiring from his show, Larry King Live, I thought I would rename the blog autisticaplanet blogs. Shorter name and active verb.

As adulthood autism and autism in females has gained better (but never enough) attention in the media and medical communities, I thought I would focus on MY autism struggle.

I have found that even among other autistics, my sensory struggles and opinions about what it is to be autistic to be the minority among the minority. Dr. Tony Attwood once told me in an e-mail that I do seem like “a rare case of Asperger’s” a few years before the DSM 5 was published.

I could have called it “Screaming kids and barking dogs, oh my!” but I thought autisticaplanet’s autism was more pithy-and didn’t give away too much blog content.

I think of my autism journey as being on an unparalleled journey, which isn’t a good thing. I have never felt part of a “tribe” or that I found “my people”. If you were around back in the 1980’s and liked Tiffany, this will make sense to you. If not, just imagine the room the cat is looking into doesn’t have any feather toys or catnip😦

My life is nothing close to Temple Grandin’s or some of the bloggers I follow here. I don’t have an overall success story to tell. I am not married, can’t live independently or work. Our world is too loud and chaotic, run by people who thrive on mayhem. My sensory filter can’t accommodate. I have OCD and GAD along with hyper-acute hearing and migraines.

I do have individual successes, however. Photographing nature is a positive influence on my life. So is making stretch bracelets and necklaces. I have a supportive sibling to look after me and caring aunt.

The Carpentersville Dam


Above all, I am loved by God, no matter how many times I mess up. I am saved by the Savior for all eternity-the one Truth that keeps me going.

My hope is that there will be opportunities to do more from the home: part time work and socializing (I do not do well with the random and unpredictable nature of social networking-I find it like offline life) small-scale with mature people who can actually agree to disagree.

My hope is also for there to be independent living for someone like me who needs a quiet and fairly predictable environment where children and companion dogs aren’t present (aside from visiting)that accommodates someone who has Medicaid. I would especially like to see this last item become a reality, as I am now 37, and my parents are deceased. I have a sibling 12 years older, so this is something I think about and pray about often.

My focus is to share and hopefully educate and create empathy for those who are both autistic and non-autistic.

My hope is there is another autistic person out there who shares my exact sensory challenges-to (the same degree or more than I do), at least one of them, who feels they are alone on the spectrum.

I can be reached on Facebook via sending a friend request.

Cheers and Skol!

Allison a.k.a. autisticaplanet


P1000507A picture of a restaurant “Around the Clock”in Crystal Lake, Illinois in March, 2012. It looks pretty empty and quiet on the outside, but inside, it was a different story.


I don’t go to restaurants. They are usually populated with crying kids and crashing dishes. Even if it is quiet when I go in, I can’t relax. Each time the door opens (I need to be sitting in view of the door), I expect a family with young kids to walk through. My ear-gear doesn’t drown out enough of the sensory onslaught.

In 2012, after 7 years of not eating out, I tried going to a restaurant late. I felt I had to try to do something that I considered “normal”. It was one of the last things my mom and I did together before her death.

Though there weren’t any small kids in there, the place was EXTREMELY loud. Ear protection, including ear plugs along with ear muffs and iPod blaring (so I could hear the music with earplugs in) didn’t help me. I barely ate. I just wanted to leave.

I handled restaurants, kids and dogs better as a child, though not without stress. In my teens, the time that my hormones were “raging”, a term my mom used, my sensory tolerance lowered.

I outgrew the meltdowns due to flash photography and the door bell. Dog, child and firework sounds only intensified. Not knowing when the painful sound is coming adds stress from processing a startle.

The startle (or moro) reflex is thought to be more pronounced in those with autism.

There is a small cafe near where I live next to a bike trail. People with dogs can sit outside, but not inside. I encountered barking the last time I went and asked the lady behind the counter to ask the family outside to quiet the dog as it barked each time someone rode by or came in. I tried to smile, saying if I wanted to hear that while eating, I could stay home and sit on my porch (my neighbors have barky dogs).

For once, my reasonable request was met with kindness. The lady went outside and talked to the people, who got up and left. Calm and sanity returned.

It took a ton of mental energy to process all of this, however, and I had to take extra anti-anxiety medication (Clonozopam).

I read the menu online before coming. I wrote down my choices on paper and gave it to my sister. Doing this reduces the stress I face when out.

My favorite thing to do is order in or get take-out. Also, taking food to a forest preserve during off-peak hours is fun.

As much fun as I have when I am out (energetically timing everything), it exerts an enormous toll that sometimes triggers a migraine, requiring being in bed and taking medication.

I am so happy to get home and under my weighted comforter-even if it is 100 degrees out with an older air-conditioner.

I see that my blog gets low ratings. I wonder if it is due to the fact of how my particular autism plays out in a blogosphere that constantly celebrates autism while largely ignoring the challenges? Is it that my particular challenges with dogs and kids upsets or doesn’t resonate? Sorry, but this is MY story. If it is too upsetting to you, you can unfollow my blog. No bad feelings.

If it’s about the fact you cannot comment, it is to cut down on the amount of negativity in my life stemming, in part, from some of the horrific and disgusting things that comes out of people’s minds…and fingers.

This blog will remain on the internet until the Rapture, or WordPress inadvertently deletes it. Autism is not all horror, but it isn’t all roses, either.

Remember, you can send me a friend request on Facebook if you are civil and interested in discussing the issues you find in my postings.

autisticaplanet’s autism part two:


Allison “autisticaplanet”


This is my (late) mom and I having our  picture taken before leaving early. Having family who empathizes and looks out for me is crucial to living life with limitations.


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