My brain basically has 2 settings: Stop & Go. This is why I see things in “black or white” and have trouble controlling impulsive behavior. In 2009, I had an EEG (A special EEG called an “Absolute QEEG”). I had to sit with electrodes leading into a tightly fitted cap. Let me tell you, it wasn’t for the faint of heart. It is a good thing I am for the most part a tactile freak. I very much enjoy touching a wide variety of things. I enjoy deep pressure, even to be dug into or scraped at. The sensory aspect of autism includes the hyposensitive as well as the hypersensitive. This is why I bodyrock constantly, even in my sleep. I believe it is the hippocampus that isn’t getting enough stimulation. Anyway, the EEG print-out showed a human head (mine) with how my brainwaves reacted while a progressive amount of electricity was delivered through the leads (which I didn’t feel). In the head space were colors. Green is great. It means a calm, well-regulated brain. I had green up to 10Hz. After that, it was red & raring to go through 25 Hz, which surprised and alarmed the doctor performing the procedure. I never achieved the green-zone again. It was mostly red & yellow until the test stopped at 30Hz.
I was told I was in a minority of people who fit into the “ring of fire” category. Their brains never “shut off”. They were shocked to find out I slept normal as a kid & into adulthood. As I say in my personal intro: Not your typical “aspie”.
I had treatment for this, non-medical. It didn’t last due to the co-payments. Neurofeedback was going to be productive, I could feel it, literally. Sometimes I had twinges, other times mild headaches. This was my brain being “retrained” or “rewired”.
I got a unit that only required a 1x purchase and worked sort of like neurofeedback. It’s called an Alpha-Stim and it did stimulate the Alpha waves while calming the obnoxious Beta waves. I’ve written blogs & made videos on Alpha-Stim SCS & EEG, so if you’re interested, read/watch them.
TRT gave me the freedom to hear the world a little more tolerable as it retrained my brain, where sound is interpreted. I have the ear-gear. This lead me to going out in small strides. I have finally made it to socialization, the final frontier, & I wished I hadn’t touched the fucker with a 500 ft. pole.
The only people I’ve met in real life are self-centered people who are constantly “busy”, even when not at work. They say one thing and mean another. Even autistic people do this. One guy wants to be a “friend” but bails when he finds out I won’t be his long-distance lover. Recently, I got tired of trying to make nice. My red brain raced the light and I punched my therapist, because he doesn’t like to hear about anything negative anymore, and I’d just handed him an article about the proposed Medicaid cut awaiting our Gov’s signature. He’s a therapist. If he can’t handle negativity, he needs to retire (he is 65). He then lied about having said this in front of my mom when I called her in to talk about hitting him. I ended the session by walking out. The next day, it was my library acquaintance, admonishing me for telling her I felt bad. I’d told her of engaging in some risky behavior like riding my bike down the middle of the street (dead suburban streets) at Midnight. She had a fit, blaming it all on me, then falsely accusing me of not praying.
My brain ran red, no pre-meditation involved (what most stupid, smart people don’t understand!!!) and I set off a chain of negative e-mails and online postings that would have made a Marine blush. After 5 years of considering me her “friend” she sent the cops to my house. I denied who I was, saying I was the sister. She couldn’t have spoken to me herself after a few days? It’s not like I harassed her for days on end. I told EVERYONE I had been having trouble adjusting to my new work schedule. Did they have any compassion? I’ll leave that sucker up to you.
If you wish to be a friend to an autistic person, you OWE it to them to sit your ass down and spend a little time doing some research, preferably NOT on AUTISM SPEAKS. Wikipedia is a good place to start. Then, when you have some basic knowledge under your belt, you can visit MAAP Services and Autism Society of America (or your state). It doesn’t have to be all at once. You’re not taking a course, your gaining compassion.
When my mom contracted MAC, a very complex respiratory disease, I did a lot of online reading. I didn’t do it all in one sitting. We both have learned a lot. I don’t like to read for very long, even online, but I love my mother. She is the only one left who cares about me, the whole me, not just the creative me or the humorous me. Those mes will eventually give way to the meltdown me, the SAD me, the sensory-overload-has to withdraw from current activity NOW me. Nobody aside from my parents has ever met the gold standard. Standards are plummeting every day as we turn inward practically fucking our digital devices 24/7. If your heart stopped, your iPod would keep playing after you gave way to cardiac arrest. I suppose there will be an app for that soon, but that isn’t my point. The 24/7 need to be wired to a digital device to the point of exalting these things over human interaction really speaks of childish depravity. I’m so thankful for my desktop, ethernet pc, my 2001 Nokia (emergency use only) cell-phone (no internet, IM, Text) and iPod, which is only on when I walk, and SOFTLY so I can hear traffic, not blow-out my ear drums.
We are social beings, I hate to admit it. I have to be honest, though, going life alone is less painful than going it riddled with the constant shelling that comes from the warmonger mentality of the modern-day human condition. Take it from a 32 year veteran.
We should all have those skull & crossbones warning labels like the ones that come on poison bottles tattooed on our foreheads from the day we are born, yours truly included.
If you still want to put up with someone’s crap, let them use you & make you feel like hurling yourself out the upstairs window on an hourly basis, go for it, but never come back here whining. Put it in a blog, instead.
HAPPY AUTISTIC PRIDE DAY JUNE 18!